So rarely are we treated to a season where the teases are nothing compared to the actual drama of the episodes. I swear, they found truly the greatest contestants of all time this season - we have a healthy mix of genuinely great guys and some CRAZY ASS MOFOs who just came to get on Paradise. This week: they’re in Virginia for some inexplicable reason, Jason is a STAR, and Chris freaks the eff out. Let’s jump into it!

 

Look, they can say “Virginia is for Lovers” as many times as they want, but they’ll never convince me that this destination is normal. Anyway, here they are in Richmond, Virginia, and literally one of the first shots we see this week is of Becca simply playing with geese by a lake? Surely there was more dynamic content they could have shot. We find out Becca is staying at the Quirk Hotel which is, as advertised, quirky and cute. For god knows what reason, Chris Harrison welcomes her to Virginia even though he has literally nothing to do with the state. We find out that she’s starting to feel feelings of love again and she’s looking at wedding magazines and seeing babies and getting excited and NOW I’M EXCITED. She knows that she and the guy she chooses will get there at the end of this. 

 

The boys are not staying at the Quirk Hotel because apparently it was too girly and are, instead, staying at the Graduate Hotel which seems like it’s simply the boy version of the Quirk. Leo says is excited to be in Richmond and says “Just like Virginia birthed the nation, I hope it births my relationship with Becca”. Leo’s killing it. Colton is worried that it’s going to be hard to keep the momentum from their one-on-one last week. Chris also is worried, but probably because he’s clinically insane. 

 

The first date card arrives: “Jason: Life is full of surprises…Becca” YESSSSS, I’M SO EXCITED, I DECIDED I LOVE JASON. We don’t get to be excited for too long because all of a sudden Chris just goes off on this tangent about how he really wishes he were a two-on-one this week. He would go against anyone on a two-on-one because he’s confident. How many rolling eyes emojis can fit into one recap? I genuinely forgot that Lincoln was still on this show by the way, but he’s there and he decides to engage Chris in his nonsense. I genuinely have no idea what they’re talking about - it goes on SO long and even forces me to join sides with Garrett who says these two arguing is like “Dumb and Dumber”, but he’s not sure which one is which. Jason, WHO DESERVES THIS DATE TODAY, says that clearly some of the guys are cracking under the pressure and he needs to remove himself from that situation. One of the final words in this dumb spat is that apparently Lincoln body shamed Chris? Colton thinks the wheels on the bus have come all the way off and I can’t agree more. 

 

Finally, it’s time to leave the loony bin and go on a date with Jason! He runs outside and Becca’s there waiting for him with a trolley - how fun! They start the date by going to St. John’s Church, which is both the place that Patrick Henry gave the “Give me liberty or give me death” speech and it’s also where Edgar Allan Poe’s mother is buried? Two very different vibes it seems. They go to Sugar Shack Donuts and have fun frosting donuts and it’s all very adorable. Becca says that she and Jason had a slower start, but it’s what they needed in their relationship. They go to the Poe museum and they kiss in a coffin and I think it’s supposed to be endearing, but I find it rather concerning. To round out the apparently Poe-themed date, they go to an “Unhappy Hour” which is basically a group of people who “enjoy life through death”. Hmm. The two of them, two happy funtime people, are certainly out of place, but I’m obsessed with Jason trying to dance like this goth girl and getting stuck mid-splits. Becca can’t help but smile and laugh with Jason even though they’re supposed to be unhappy. Oh well. 

 

Back at the Graduate Hotel, the guys are talking about Chris, and Colton reiterates that he thinks Chris is falling apart. Leo agrees and says that Chris doesn’t think before he speaks. Mainly, they’re all worried that Chris is going to ruin another cocktail party and take time away from all of them. 

 

Jason’s date is still not over, but I’m fine with because I LOVE JASON - Becca says that she and Jason have always taken advantage of their time together and he’s really growing on her. Also, “Damn, Jason can kiss!” YES, BECCA. They get to this bar where Becca has gathered some of Jason’s friends and I want to cry it’s so sweet. He sees them and GENUINELY his reaction is the sweetest thing ever he’s so excited. His friends briefly give him shit for kissing her in front of them, but like WOULDN’T YOU? They split up and he talks to a couple of his friends while she talks to some - he tells his friends that she is everything he could want in a life partner and a best friend and that “it’s getting real and it’s getting real quick”. She asks his friends what Jason is like as a partner and I’m obsessed with their answer because they simply say Jason is “as advertised”. AS ADVERTISED! They say he’s the right person to choose to start a life and a family with and, OKAY YOU’VE CONVINCED ME, JASON MIGHT BE THE BEST PERSON. 

 

They leave and Becca says that Jason’s friends reminded her of her friends and her home and it speaks volumes to her that she’s sad that she’s going to have to leave Jason. JASON FOR BACHELOR AND/OR WINNER IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO BLAKE. 

 

For dinner they head to what is, essentially, a Star Wars set and Becca says that she can definitely see a future with Jason. She tells him that her favorite part of the day was when his friends said that if she gets Jason, she gets all of them - she’s said the exact same thing about her girlfriends. SHOUTOUT TO ALL OF MY GIRLFRIENDS’ BOYFRIENDS AND FIANCÉS FOR GETTING ME IN THE DEAL!!! Becca thinks their friends would get along, which is a great sign - one of the things his friends brought up and Jason has brought up is that he has a hard time being vulnerable, but Becca’s never felt that with him. He tells her that in the past he’s run from tough conversation, but with her it’s always been easy to be open with Becca. 

 

He goes on to tell her about a pivotal time in his life when his grandma had Alzheimer’s and he saw his Dad just crumble when his own mom didn’t know who he was. His dad was always the backbone of his family and that day and that moment was probably the worst moment of his Dad’s life that he witnessed. From that experience, he realized that he can’t take any moment for granted and family and friends are everything to him. I am not kidding when I say that these two have the absolute most natural conversation of all time, they seem like they’ve known each other for years and have just absolutely have no issues talking openly both in this new relationship and IN FRONT OF CAMERAS. 

 

Becca feels safe enough to talk about how her dad got sick when she was 14 and they only expected to have 6 months with him, but they ended up with 5 full years. She starts to get emotional and Jason tells her she doesn’t have to talk about this if it’s too much, but she wants to tell him. She wants to tell him. She goes on to say that nothing about this situation is a “blessing”, but she was home from college and was able to be there for her mom and her dad when he passed away. Just so rarely do you see two genuinely good people have a conversation on a reality show and yet, here we are. These two feel safe with each other and he feels like he’s falling in love and this is simply the best. 

 

Knock on the door at the Graduate Hotel with another date card! “Colton, Garrett, Wills, Connor, Blake, Lincoln, Chris: Let’s make history…Becca” Aww, Leo gets a one-on-one, that’s sweet! Chris ruins it by saying that he’ll consider this date “redemption". GROSS, GET OUTTA HERE. 

 

Jason tells Becca that he’s in a great position to be himself and Becca tells him that she’s had the best day with him and he has one of the best characters of anyone she knows. She hasn’t been able to open up to someone like that in a long time and he gets the rose and I’m just so thrilled. Her feelings grew exponentially today and they both feel like they connected on an entirely different level. She says that she didn’t expect to open up like that today, but it wasn’t hard for her to do so with Jason and “Jason is worth the wait” YES. After tonight, he can see himself getting down on one knee and SHE CAN SEE HERSELF SAYING ‘YES’ TO A FOREVER WITH HIM. I LOVE YOU TWO!

 

Unfortunately, we’re forced to move on from Jason and even she, the next morning, is still glowing from the glory of that date. She’s in a fierce ass pantsuit (PANTSUIT NATION) and meets the guys who are in full suits at the Virginia state Capitol. (PS. I just googled Capital vs. Capitol and I’m realizing I’ll have to do that for literally the rest of my life.)  Today they’re going to step into the past and brush up on their history - they walk into the CAPITOL and find a George Washington and an Abe Lincoln reenactor. All I know is Lincoln introduced himself to Lincoln and it was LAME.

 

They find out that they’re going to have a debate for the “Beccalection 2018” and all of them have their own little podium at the front of the CAPITOL. Becca says that today is about finding her partner an her “running mate”, which is maybe the only pun on this entire season of which I approve. By the way, this “debate” is literally just guys being asked individual questions, they’re not, like, taking sides on anything. The first question is asked by the literal Governor of Virginia, which makes me LOL, but it goes to Colton: “What is your idea of the perfect date with Becca in the commonwealth of Virginia?” Colton KILLS his answer by saying that he would probably want to take Becca to a dog park with his lab and they would find a corgi for Becca. YES, COLTON. Blake is asked what he’s learned from past relationships and he’s learned that he can be vulnerable and open to great love and there’s some MAJOR eye contact at that moment. Connor says that he as a contagious personality and very nicely quaffed hair, Garrett says that ladies are always right, and Wills never thought he would feel this way and he always feels like he’s on top of the world. 

 

Lincoln starts some drama by saying that he does not envision a future of packing his bags and going home like Chris and it’s lazy and dumb. Blake randomly gets in the middle and says that he thinks most of the guys here are honest and upfront but NO, Chris has to jump in and say that he doesn’t think that’s true of everyone here. For some reason, this is the only part of this debate, which could be considered an actual debate, and Lincoln is granted a rebuttal - we find out that Chris was referring to Lincoln because he apparently has a nasty, malicious, and aggressive side to him which Becca would be disgusted by. So, if I were only watching this show and not reading news, I might side with Lincoln and say he’s harmless and whatever, but like, he’s literally a registered sex offender now, so unfortunately, I gotta say that Chris has a point. 

 

We then find out that Chris was 300 pounds as a child and he brings up the body shaming again and it’s sUCH A DUMB FIGHT, WHY DO I HAVE TO WATCH THIS. Becca is the queen of keeping her face under control and yes, she looks pissed, but she didn’t look like me with my mouth agape and my head shaking vigorously. Blake cuts in again and just says that what Chris is saying is a little out of context - Chris is pissed that he has to keep defending himself but YOU’RE BRINGING ALL THIS SHIT UP, CHRIS. 

 

The debate ends and Becca is PISSED and says that this is stupid drama that should not be happening in front of this crowd of people - for the second time this season, she feels like she’s back in elementary school. It’s too much drama and I’m O V E R IT!

 

They walk into the cocktail party (shoutout to Becca for holding Colton’s hand and linking arms with Wills) and she feels like today was super embarrassing. We get the first close up shot of some creepy child portraits (don’t worry we’ll see close ups like 9 more times) and then we move to Becca saying that she wants to put everything aside and enjoy the rest of the night. 

 

Lincoln grabs her first and instantly dives into this conversation about how he’s worried about what Chris might do next. It’s this long drawn out conversation about how everyone’s scared of Chris and Lincoln feels threatened by him and - speak of the devil - Chris comes to interrupt. Chris is a piece of shit, why the hell is he interrupting Lincoln, like he’s literally only there to cause trouble. 

 

Becca sits down with Chris and says that Lincoln told her that not everyone in the house is comfortable or safe with Chris in the room - he also said that at one point Connor even switched rooms because he didn’t feel safe sleeping in the same room as Chris. Chris, of course, gets incredibly defense and kind of gives Becca shit for bringing this up and she’s just like “I’m trying to piece things together and I’m going to confront you about the things I hear”. It’s a long conversation of Chris being an asshat and I never, ever, thought I’d be excited to say this, but GARRETT’S HERE. Good on him for interrupting this because it was an absolute waste of time. 

 

She and Garrett sit down and she’s visibly upset and she tells him that she’s really annoyed and frustrated and then she sends him away because she needs a few minutes for herself. SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE SENT BLAKE OR JASON AWAY, THAT’S FOR SURE. Back with all the guys, Chris asks Connor straight up if he was scared to room with him and we find out that that wasn’t entirely true and that Lincoln was essentially lying - it’s so dumb and eventually Garrett walks back in and tells them that she was too upset to even talk to him and whatever Chris said “fucked up the whole night”. 

 

Back at the Graduate Hotel (I swear I’m giving it more press than the actual show did), time for the final date card! “Leo: The world is our oyster…Becca” My favorite part of this entire thing is that Jason literally had to read this alone to Leo, lol. Leo says that no matter what happens, he’s going to have a great time and he’s never had a moment of negativity with this girl. LEO’S THE BEST. 

 

Back at the cocktail party, Garrett won’t stop saying “headstate”, which is not a word, but all of the guys are livid with Chris for ruining their night. Eventually Becca does come back and grab Garrett, as promised - they sit down and she says the beginning of the day and the debate was great for Becca. Garrett says that he’s not great with words (DOY), but he wrote a closing statement (why) that he wants to read for Becca. She’s super into it, which is fine I guess. 

 

She and Colton just lean up against a window real cozy like and he tells her that it was easier than he thought to transition from last week’s one-on-one to the group date because of the foundation they’ve built. Wills tells her that he’s falling in love with her and he’s not going to hold back anymore. I LOVE WILLS. She heads back with all of the guys and is ready to hand out the group date and EXCUSE ME, WE DON’T GET TO SEE ANY TIME WITH BLAKE???????? I’M GENUINELY SO UPSET. Colton gets the group date rose and I know I gave him a hard time last week, but I’m back to loving him and I’m glad he got the rose. She describes him as a man who stands by his word, which I cannot disagree with. 

 

The next day, it’s time for her date with Leo, but Becca says that she still feels off after last night. She doesn’t feel like she’s going into this date as her best self, but she wants to focus on her time with Leo today. She meets him next to a tiny plane and all of Bachelor Nation melted when Leo got out of the car, ran to her and says “Oh my god, you beautiful thing”. TEAM LEOOOOOOO. They go on a plane ride and it’s very beautiful and I just can’t help but think why we haven’t seen Leo on our screen constantly because he might be the sweetest human of all time? He’s worried that she might not be able to see a future with him. 

 

They sit down outside and she expresses that last night was really hard and she’s just emotionally drained right now and isn’t at her best. Leo assures her that she shouldn’t feel any pressure to act or be a certain way on the date and then he reassures her that she’s making this process really easy for everyone and it’s easy for them to fall for her. They end up talking about how her expectations are not the same as what everyone things - she doesn’t need to get engaged at the end of this, she just wants to find the person she can spend her life with and if an engagement takes awhile, that’s totally fine. Leo agrees that it’s responsible to take an engagement really seriously and he wouldn’t get down on one knee unless he really saw a future - he’s at a time in his life where he’s ready to settle down. Next he says that in the real world, if she wanted him, he would be hers and we all AWWWWW’D FOR HOURS. LEO IS A GEM. 

 

They end up in Chesapeake Bay and shuck some oysters and it seems just so chill and relaxed and genuine and both Becca and I are glad that Leo was on this date after last night. They go to City Hall for dinner and Becca says that she felt a spark with Leo today! She even says he saw her at her worst today and even he’s like “That was your worst? You were just like mildly not yourself.” He goes on to tell her that his parents have been together over 40 years and his dad has always been his idol - because of that, though, he’s had a hard time living up to what he thought his father expected of him. They shared baseball when he was younger, but he was never good enough to play professionally so he always felt like he failed his dad to some extent. Becca tells Leo that he’s such an amazing person with many sides to him and she later says that what she’s looking for in life is a MAN, someone who takes adversity and pushes through it, and she knows she’s have that through Leo. 

 

Back at the GRADUATE HOTEL (enough already, I know), Connor and Jason talk about how Chris is so inconsistent and they are uneasy about him now. Jason thinks he’s volatile and he doesn’t know who Chris is anymore - he also thinks that Chris is weirdly calm and seems to have some sort of plan now. He’s right, it’s pretty creepy. 

 

Leo tells Becca that she should never have a bad day ever and he would always be there for her no matter way - she gives him the rose and tells him that getting to know him week by week has given her so much hope! Go Leo! They, very unfortunately, go to a concert with Morgan Evans who is one of the least annoying private concert givers, I must admit. They have fun and there’s just way too many teens there and it’s great. 

 

Chris says that he doesn’t want Leo to come home because if he does, he doesn’t feel like he’ll be there much longer. CUE LEO WALKING IN WITH A ROSE ON HIS JACKET. Chris can’t handle it and literally walks out of the room and onto the streets. We have this weird clip of Chris making fun of the amount of eggs Lincoln eats a day (he eats 12 and there’s been more egg disses this season than I ever could have imagined). Chris is apparently going to talk to Becca at the QUIRK HOTEL and I’m pissed about it. 

 

He walks into her room and they sit on the couch and she literally cannot stop asking him why he’s there. He says that the last couple of weeks there have been so many distractions and he hasn’t been able to talk about anything other than those distractions. He then reveals that all of a sudden he can see himself marrying her at the end of this? She, rightfully, asks how he went from wanting to go home last week all the way there and then they talk about last week a bit more. She still doesn’t understand how he went from being super into her and being on the right track to all of a sudden questioning everything with her. He “needs” her to stop thinking about Vegas anymore, but literally, buddy, it’s not up to you. She says that the drama he caused last week has seeped into every single one of her dates in Virginia and she basically doesn’t appreciate it. 

 

They both say that they had hoped the adversity they faced wouldn’t be something that came between them, but it has and she just doesn’t think they can get there in the end - she’s scared by what she’s seen and heard over the last few days. When he says that he’s just been continuously attacked for the last week, she straight up says “You’ve done some attacking, too”. YEP, GOT YOU THERE, BUD. She sends him home thank GAWD and then he’s a full on ASS when he doesn’t even want her to walk him out, like be a fucking nice person, dude. Becca is very disappointed in what just happened and says that Chris is just an angry person and he’s not a guy she wants in her life ever. BAI, CHRIS, WE SINCERELY HOPE THE WORST FOR YOU. 

 

I wish we had seen the guys’ reaction to Chris getting sent home, but instead we see them entering a literal CASTLE for the cocktail party and rose ceremony. They sit and talk about how important tonight was because of the way Chris messed everything up for all of them. Genuinely, I wasn’t even looking at how much time was left in the episode, but I was SHOCKED AND DISMAYED when Chris Harrison showed up instead of Becca. NO COCKTAIL PARTY. Normally, I’m okay with it, but we LITERALLY GOT NO TIME WITH BLAKE THIS WEEK I’M SO INCREDIBLY UPSET.

 

Becca drives in in an old fancy car and looks legit like Cinderella - they even let her descend a staircase, shout out to the Production team. She tells them that each and every one of them has brought something amazing to her life, but she has to follow her gut and her heart which is why she cancelled the cocktail party. Congrats to: Garrett, Blake (SHE LIKES HIS BOWTIE), and Wills! Bai to Connor and Lincoln, I truly don’t care about either of you!

 

Next week on The Bachelorette: SOME ONE-ON-ONE BLAKE TIME, Wills is falling more in love every single date, but is frustrated, and Jason isn’t vocal enough with where they’re at. Also, everyone’s freaking out, she leaves a dinner with Colton, and it looks like just SO much drama in the Bahamas. CAN. NOT. WAIT.